5 phút lắng nghe 02

WILL I BE OF HELP TO YOU?

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D’you think I am going to help anybody? Oh, no, no, no, no! I don't expect to be able to be of help to anyone. And I don’t expect to do damage anyone. If you are damaged, you did it; and if you are helped, you did it. You really did! We will come to that later when I challenge your belief. You think people help you? They don't. You think people support you? They don't.

I have an interesting example of a woman in a therapy group. She was a sister, she was a religious. And she said to me, "You know, I don't feel supported by my superior." Listen to this one now! And I said, "What do you mean by that?" And she said, "Well, look at my superior, the provincial superior, she never shows up at the novitiate where I am. She never shows up, never says a word of appreciation." So I said to her, "All right let's do this: I know your provincial superior. Let’s do a little role playing. I know exactly what she thinks about you. How do you feel?” And she said “fine” “All right”. So I say “You know, Mary” (acting the part of the provincial superior, now and I say), “You know, Mary, the reason I don't come to that place you're in is because it is the one place in the province that is trouble-free, no problems. I know you're in charge, so all is well. -  How do you feel now?" And Mary said, "I feel great." I said, "All right, now you leave the room for a minute or two? This is part of the exercise." So she did. While she was away, I said to the group, "I am still sister Mary Jane the provincial, O.K.? Mary out there is the worst novice directrice I have ever had in the whole history of the province. In fact, I don't go to the novitiate because I can't bear to see what she is up to. Oh it's awful. But if I tell her the truth, it's only going to make those novices suffer all the more. We are getting somebody to take her place within a year or two; we are training someone. So In the meantime I thought I would say those nice things to her to keep her going. What do you think of that?" They answered, "Well, it is the only thing you can do" “All right! Come on in Mary”, so Mary comes in “How do you feel”; she said “I feel great”. “You feel supported by your superior?” "Yeah, I feel supported". So poor Mary! She thought she was being supported...

You think you’re in love with somebody? Well, I've got news for you. You’re never in love with anyone. You're only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person. Want a minute to think about that? You’re never in love with anyone, you're in love with your prejudiced idea of that person, with your hopeful idea of that person. Are you really in love with the persone? Well, how come you fall out of love? Your idea changes, doesn't it? "How could you let me down when I trusted you so much?" Did you really trust me? You never trusted anyone. Come off it! That's part of brainwashing of your society and mine. We never trust anyone. You only trust your judgment about that person. So what are you complaining about? You don't like to say, "My judgment was lousy." That's not very flattering to you, is it? So you prefer to say, "How could you have let me down?"

So there it is: people don't really want to grow up, people don't really want to change, people don't really want to be happy. As someone has said so wisely, "Don't try to make them happy, you'll only get into trouble.” Like the guy who gets into a bar, sits down, and he sees this fellow with a banana in his ear - a banana in his ear! And he says, "I wonder if I should tell him that”. Many thought: “None of my business." But he thought “Maybe I’ll tell him”. So he has a drink or two, he says, "Excuse me, ah, you've got a banana in your ear." So the guy says, "What?" He said, "You've got a banana in your ear. " "So what?" "You've got a banana in your ear!" He said "Talk louder, I've got a banana in my ear!"

It's useless. "Give up, give up, give up," Say yourthing and get out of here. And if they profit, that's fine, and if they don't, too bad!